Found Something

(Looky what I Found! A letter to God.)

Dear God, hear me.

When things got bad, I trusted. When things got worse, I trusted. When things became unbearable, I trusted.

You say community and trust with You and people is the way to live. It causes us to grow and helps us get through tough spots. But it’s exhausting. A lot of people don’t want to do it. The people who do want to do it can be busy or dealing with their own stuff. Some people who do want to do it expect to know ALL your dirt before they help. It’s hard to tell who’s willing and who’s just being polite... I could keep going forever with complications.

Ironically I have found amazing people who humble me, who show me I can’t do it myself. But None of them were here in Spring Arbor. Those thoughts, emotions, writings, breakthroughs, are sitting on the back burner in my mind and journals I packed safely away until “it’s time”. One day I am confident it will be time. I may not “need” them, but man do I want those people in my life. I would give up my power for them.

The most surprising thing was, this separation from people and community did not destroy me. I was always taught you can’t do it alone. It you don’t have friends and family to take care of you failure and death is imminent. But instead after months of believing in You and people and then 2 weeks of fighting it... I admitted to not “believing” in You, and not “needing” people. From that second on strength, courage, and will consumed me. In that moment I knew EXACTLY what to do.

God,

I have become so strong I don’t need anybody, What now?

Who now can humble me?

Who now can bring me to my knees?

Who now can break my calm comfortable confidence?

Why do I feel like this was supposed to happen? Like I shouldn’t fight it...

Why couldn’t we have done this the easy way were you send people to help my through this time and I end saying, “Man, I couldn’t of done this without God and friends”

(it’s been 2 months since this “not needing” happened and I still feel great, incredible, and unstoppable... )