What it means to be Faithless and Fearless.

With people

I don’t know what love is. I get tastes of it here and there. It is enough. Love is enough for me. But it is so rare, I search for it every single day. When I say “search”, I mean eyes forward, focused, dedicated, nothing gets in the way. Whenever and where ever I find it, it is a miracle. It never gets old. My heart stops and I feel nauseous every time I see a person I love. The people I love the most are the people who show me love. They are the people who make me Feel, Do, or Be something I never thought I was capable of. Every moment is a gift. A hug, a hand on the shoulder, any close contact brings me joy and/or near tears. I try weeks and sometimes months trying to figure out how to make these people understand... it’s a big deal - they’re a big deal - and ultimately try to give them the same feeling back. It ends up being impossible because I could give them everything and it wouldn’t be enough to make them understand how they make me feel. I try anyways. I look ridiculous while doing it but I try. I submit, listen, connect and give what I can.

With God

God is love, I don’t know what that is so I struggle to know God. But when God shows me His Love, it is enough. But it is rare, so I search for it every single day. When I say “search” I mean eyes forward, focused, dedicated, nothing gets in my way. Whenever and where ever I find Him, it is a miracle. It NEVER gets old. I pray every day... not before dinner/bed or at church like most people. I sit at pray for hours. During the months of December and November I prayed 3 hours in one sitting every day for days and weeks at a time. I cried, I pleaded, I begged. I prayed for the peace of the Lord to dwell in me. I prayed for strength and clarity. I prayed the TRUTH I have heard spoken through each of the people I found love through would speak louder still. I talk to God all the time. It is a constant conversation. I seek Him at every moment.

I thanked God for the months of believing without doubt. I questioned when I could no longer believe. I felt guilty and ashamed... Then I heard God whisper and I understood

Nothing else but chasing after God matters anymore.

God wants to rip out my pain and suffering

God wants to heal me

I am being raised from the dead

My calling is happening now.

I’m no Christian. i’m no Atheist.

I am Faithless -- I am Fearless

If you can’t see how God is working through the faithless and lost... you’re missing out on something incredible.